vergeltung | 𝐎𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭

Of course. And shouldn't everyone be allowed to enjoy a night unwinding in peace and quiet?

[ Perhaps there's something ironic in the statement, given that she figures— based on how long it's been sitting here with him— that night has fallen, and yet neither of them is getting any real peace and quiet, what with the blizzard having forced them to be so much in each other's space. Worse still is the fact that she's come to find herself quite comfortable in his arms, despite him holding her as he would a lover, despite her face being pressed into his neck the way she imagines some shy, flighty thing would with a protector.

She does not want to think about what that means, or why she's feeling the way she is. Which means... more conversation is needed, right? If they're not talking, she'll be stuck inside her thoughts, and that's not where she wants to be right now.

The problem, of course, is that neither of them is a particularly strong conversationalist.

She sighs.

If she can't keep the conversation light, she can at least talk about something important: ]

...We have to sleep at some point.

[ She regrets the words the second they leave her mouth, and it's enough for the sentence to stop there, abruptly, even though her tone indicates that there was more originally planned for her to say. ]

(Even as he lays there, his mind starts to wander again. In the end it feels all the more inevitable that she would show up whenever he's working the bar yet he's not certain on if someone may notice his change in demeanor if he does keep his unwelcome presence there longer than necessary. His thoughts currently weren't helping any of it with going back and forth on wondering how far they may perhaps push their boundaries. He did not see her as someone to be protected thankfully.

No, he saw her as herself. Eula Lawrence who pushes herself beyond her limits all to carry the weight of her actions and wish on her shoulders; if anything he feels as if he looks nothing like the picture he paints of himself to the eyes of others currently. The uncrowned monarch, untouchable by many, desired by many even. But that seems forgotten in this moment between them.

The growing thoughts of a man starving for affection, love even, aside, he's racking his brain in an attempt to help. He is never one for idle chatter unless it's dragged out of him from his old self; which does little to stop him from feeling as if he's growing more frustrated between this and thoughts of Kaeya flirting with her in front of him.

Again, he curses his luck, he curses his brother, and he especially curses that side of him that he neglects to drive himself further and further into his work, into the ground.

All because of him... all because of her.)

... I can try to keep watch instead unless you want to like this.

(He won't press her on it, he didn't think he can sleep in this state to begin with so he'll force himself to focus on the outside blizzard in an attempt to clear his thoughts.

He'll notice anyway if something gets too close for comfort.)

[ The comment he makes is enough for her to unwind her arms from around him, to use the flat of his chest for leverage to push herself back— because she needs to push; her body refuses to cooperate with the idea of her pulling away— forming enough distance between them that she can frown at him even as a full-body shudder works its way through her, the cold instantly filling the space— and her.

The purple-yellow of her eyes search the deep red of his even as she shakes her head, her displeasure making itself clear on her face. ]

Anything sufficiently dangerous would have to survive the blizzard before even finding us, Ragnvindr. If you want to keep watch, do it from here, where it's warmer.

[ The entire truth of it— that she would right now sooner stay warm than have her safety guaranteed— is a secret kept between her lips. And as for the thoughts which surface, that she's enjoying the closeness, she stifles those before they can even get far enough to consider.

Damn him for making her weak. ]

We both should try to get some kind of rest, anyway. So what if we take shifts?

[ Being conscious at all isn't an entirely thrilling thought right now when she would much rather pass out and forget every single little thing that has happened this evening. But despite the hazard of the storm outside, all her training and knowledge tells her that he's right, that at least one of them should be awake at all times—

As long as it's from here, so she can stay warm. ]

... that's my point, I would stay near then since I'm the one capable of providing greater warmth however, there is still beasts capable of surviving the blizzards in Dragonspine. And no I am not claiming that you have to force yourself to part over it given it's at a point for us we'd freeze to death.

(And he's being truthful about it despite him also hating the fact that she forced some form of distance due to that side of him wanting her to stay in his arms. He's trying to not show he's getting cold from the distance himself but it is getting apparent his resonance would not help him alone the further this gets dragged out.

Though he'd hate to see what can outlast a blizzard amongst the wildlife in Dragonspine if any still exists currently out there. Better yet if it turned out to be an Abyss Mage then there would in deeper trouble... especially if it's one of their hydro infused ones. He'd have not been able to life a finger for the two of them without it near killing him again; though being the one frozen to a point instead of her would be fine with him.

He can handle being sick for a change despite himself.)

I can handle the first shift, I don't know what can survive this but the elements themselves are often times capable of producing really anything far more dangerous than usual. I've seen Ruin Guards after all that were abnormal here before...

(And he's not going to mention he's fought them too. All she has to know is that he's seen them, though the risk of her finding out anything deeper remains too. He can at least keep her warm in his sleep after to give her opportunity to rest first.

He isn't certain if he can fall asleep to begin with involving the way his thoughts were trailing back and forth. He'd have to hope that if they wind up in compromising positions he can explain himself knowing he is not the type to do so willingly.)

I'm more worried about the possibility of one of them finding us if not anything worse showing itself. (And as part of his unsaid point which he thought of earlier, Hydro Mages. Really anything still living and capable of that is enough to make him wary knowing the risks of much worse that can happen.)

...Mm.

[ She tries not to bristle too much at the way he speaks, knowing by now this is just who he is and not a slight against her, even if her own experiences mean that she can't help but want to interpret it that way. It doesn't help that she's already shivering again, because the closeness was driving her crazy in other ways and she's not sure how much longer she can handle it for—

But if she's asleep, that will help, surely.

She nods. ]

At least Ruin Guards and their ilk are more likely to guard from a stationary position than come hunting for us. But I understand your point.

[ With that said, she moves to lie down, and there's a sharp hiss from between her lips when her back touches the cold stone even through the material of their combined bed rolls; another shudder runs through her, its strength making it visible despite her best efforts to conceal it, and she curls up tighter against herself, drinking in as much of his warmth as she can from here without needing to practically lie on him. ]

Wake me after four hours.

[ Her tone is sharp, colder than it should be by rights, given how long they have sat here talking. Yet that strange need to protect herself has resurfaced, freezing a cage around her the moment she forced herself further away from his warmth. ]

And if you need to move to get more comfortable, do so now. If you wake me early, the vengeance visited on you will not be pleasant.

[ With that said, she closes her eyes, willing sleep to come. ]

(Though he did move just close enough to enable her to get more from his resonance, he said nothing more and laid still with his eyes focusing on outside the cave. His back is turned to her this time to enable him to focus without distraction or so he hopes despite the thoughts driving him insane; he can ignore them like this and he supposed that this also allows her to not have to look much at him too.

A quiet sigh to himself later, this is going to be a long four hours but he knew he can't sleep easily like this. The Gravestone was firmly planted near by him too in case if he had to be up quickly though he suspected that he may not have to be as worried. Really the suggestion was so that he can give himself time to think up excuses to give Kaeya later if absolutely necessary.

He knew he'd be all over something like this.

So Diluc for now would take the lonely yet quiet vigil as he always has. She made it obvious by how she forced herself apart from him in her tone and in the way she reacted. He'll do as he set out to do and simply keep quiet about all of it then in the end without a second thought even if he did have to wonder if she'd ever let that cage melt to himself.

... not even long after that he shook the thought off immediately. He really shouldn't allow himself to think this way knowing that the two of them have no reason to dare think of one another in such ways.)

...

(Now to figure out how he can pass the time while laying there to stay awake with since even his mind could start to grow tired enough the thoughts would seem distant.)

[ The worst part of it all is that despite having just told him she was going to sleep... Eula can't sleep. For the better part of an hour, she lies there, unmoving, her eyes shut and her breathing even, as if the stillness will work a kind of magic and lull her to sleep.

It doesn't.

Rather, her head spends the time sorting through those same thoughts that she's already shoved away, thoughts on which she would rather not focus, thoughts too soft and weak for her liking, the exact kind of wonderings that made her want to retreat into unconsciousness in the first place, wonderings made more of water than ice.

His fault, she decides, the thought bitter as it passes; only through fire can ice melt, after all. But deep down, she knows that's not true, no matter how loathe she is to admit it, no matter how instantly she tries to reject the thought as it surfaces.

She's lonely, that's all. She's been lonely for quite some time now.

That's just how it is, being an outcast not only from society, but from one's own family. And it's not like she does anything to help matters; she prefers it like this— at least that's what she tells herself, even now— it makes it easier to pursue the vengeance she seeks.

Or is it the other way around— is her "vengeance" just another tool to keep people at a distance?

Keeping her from getting hurt.

Fall asleep, damnit.

She sighs, the sound sudden in the near-silent interior of the cave, an obvious contrast from the roaring storm outside. And then her cheeks heat, her body tensing.

With any luck, Diluc will just think it's a sound made in her sleep, and not the stupid existential crisis it apparently really is. ]

(He's only half paying attention thankfully for her. He isn't paying her any attention to be more specific however with him silently staring off into space as if trying to will himself into pushing her presence out of his mind; the thoughts still were there to his immense displeasure. Thoughts of holding her, thoughts of her lips, thoughts of how much he'd hate to see his estranged brother flirting with her.

He hates it.

His heats growing more at the third thought but he forced himself to control himself again knowing that she would not be happy if he wakes her this soon. His emotions are in turmoil. The thought of her piercing through his well crafted walls only made them attempt to thicken despite the wish of his love deprived heart begging him to pursue this further knowing she did not view him the way his suitors might.

He hates all of it.

This isn't something he should be, he needed to force himself away from her yet his tiredness from the loneliness is resurfacing. He's always forced himself at arms length. To be alone was simply part of his life's work and something he always had to accept no matter circumstances presented before him.

With any luck she may not be disturbed and realize that his heats going back and forth from the thoughts agitating him. From really all of it agitating him in general.

...

Curse these thoughts. Diluc really did not want her to see through him or to learn just what is running through his head in such ways.)

[ No doubt if she were asleep, she wouldn't notice the fluctuating temperature coming from the back pressed up against hers— but she's not asleep, that's the whole damn problem.

For a moment, she thinks to just ignore it— after all, he doesn't seem to have noticed the sigh, doesn't seem to be aware that she's awake, and she still has hours left of her rest; she should try to use it, try to get even some small amount of sleep— ]

Ragnvindr. Is everything alright?

[ She addresses him before she even realizes she's made a decision, and her eyes close in frustration at herself; she's pretty sure there's a headache forming behind her brows even as she speaks. But her tone, at least, if he listens to it, is even, with no anger directed at him.

(No, right now the only anger she has is directed at her own foolish, traitorous thoughts.) ]

If you are getting cold, we can move until you're comfortable again.

[ That, after all, is the only guess she can make at the sudden changes in his body temperature— although if he has the strength to force himself to warm up, she'll be impressed. She's never heard of such a thing. But not knowing what's going on in his mind, it's the only thought she has. ]

...

(He isn't awake alone after all, again he sighs about it. He didn't detect anger in her tone and yet he's rubbing his temples; this is suppose to be his attempt at forcing some form of distance and yet it's failing.

He was suppose to come up with an excuse for later to hide all of this and yet the thoughts were not going his way either. Perhaps it's why he gave up just a little for once.)

... just more annoyed at myself.

(Answering the specifics of it is not on his agenda but there's no use hiding that part of it. He isn't sure if he could even tell her why he's annoyed at himself without her being upset.

So he'll give her this much without offering the full extent of his thoughts that are pertaining to her now. She didn't have to know or so he thinks.

He'll just attempt to keep it to himself unless she somehow manages to without realizing make him talk about it. Though that would more be a feat from what he's noticed of the way the two of them act; a feat for the ages that she managed to make Diluc Ragnvindr as he is now speak his mind without hiding it.)

Annoyed? At yourself?

[ Eula can't help it; she laughs again, the sound more of a chuckle in the blackness of the cave. There's nothing derisive about it, though, nothing meant to offend— although if he feels offended by it is another matter entirely— and if it wasn't clear, the words that follow it in the next beat make it more immediately obvious: ]

Well. That makes two of us, then.

[ With another sigh, she twists in the bedroll, turning to face his back— it's a terrifying gesture, if she's honest, but with him still turned away from her, it feels safer, somehow. (Not that any of this is even remotely safe. Her brain, every instinct she has, is screaming at her to turn away once more, to mind her own business, to stay out of it—) ]

We're sworn to secrecy, aren't we? So if you want to talk about it, I'll listen.

[ Is it selfish to offer help to someone on the grounds that it will help you keep your mind off your own problems? Probably.

But right now, Eula is desperate. ]

... it's mainly pertaining to thoughts that keep striking me, though I'm not sure if I should mention it.

(Doing so would break that peace there is. Their problems now at this point were similar in that regard as he starts to wonder just how to go about this without causing her to realize it might potentially be about her. It's harder than he likes. He's not necessarily going to enjoy being the cause of a greater issue if it comes out.

Yet he's currently having a certain side of him flaring as if demanding he stop lying to himself, stop fooling himself in general by now with how it was going. But he won't. Not unless something made him say it. It's enough to make him wonder just how far he's lost his mind to dare think of this or really anything to do with her in such ways.

But... despite it he'd stare once more at the blizzard outside. She can't see his reactions which helps he thinks with this further.)

I'll be at most honest with this. This is nothing I'm use to, something I've always denied myself of to work myself to the bone for my objectives. I tell myself often times I don't need it, I'm not Kaeya in that regard, so I don't need it.

(By the pause it's getting uncomfortable for him to admit and yet...)

... it just reminds me of the fact I've chose to give up so much yet a part of me still screams out against my thoughts and judgment. I mentioned Kaeya knows the greater extent of what was done to my body, yes, but that's because he had to help me.

(And he didn't trust himself with others, he could ignore Kaeya's touch as much as he can ignore his own with patching up his own body. His eyes were closed, but he's forcing himself to not bring her into it fully.)

... though I feel foolish even now for talking about it.

[ Her eyebrows raise in response to the statement, and there's a weird knot in the pit of her stomach as her brain latches onto the words, and for a moment she's sure that she feels her heart speed up— although that's honestly just the cold, she tells herself, even as her brain keeps revisiting it. His thoughts, like hers, are wandering, and the way he speaks of it makes it sound like—

I'm not Kaeya in that regard

—Oh. It is.

While he may be avoiding saying it exactly, the way he moves from one topic to the next makes it clear to her, and that's bad because it brings all her own thoughts about their closeness rushing right back. The desire to reach for him is very sudden, very real, and it practically takes her physically holding her hand against her chest to avoid caving to it.

And while her body is aching to reach out, her usual defensive shell is insisting that she pretend to have successfully fallen asleep, or even to hit him and tell him that he's no better than his scumbag of a brother. But those options are just as bad in their own way— and far less honest than he deserves for having been as open with her as he has been just now.

She takes a deep, shaky breath. ]

It is just the cold, Ragnvindr. [ Despite the forced formality in her words, her voice cracks over it, a strange earnestness in her tone unlike any that anyone has heard from her; it's clear that she's trying to convince him as well as herself at this point, even as she presses on. ] When the air is as dangerous as it is now, it is only natural for our thoughts to move toward things that will help to warm us further.

(The sigh he heaves is heavy. None of it felt as if it were the cold, it felt as if they were trying to convince one another they were better than this. They didn't need it. The cold is the cause of it yet it keeps hitting no matter how often he just tells himself that. He isn't Kaeya is right because Kaeya likely would not be sitting there if he felt a certain way to begin with. He would be acting on it which Diluc couldn't stomach doing because she wouldn't like it or enjoy it.

It's part of why he just stares again, now out to the blizzard once his scarlet eyes open once more. His gut hates this feeling and yet... he still cannot make himself ignore it which is why he wonders how much of a fool he is for telling her.)

I don't know how true that is at this point. Because I can try to force the thoughts away and they've stayed. (And it's not wrong. He's always done that with forcing these thoughts done yet it still remains clear as day there. He wants to say it's because they swore to secrecy but it's not the case. If he told her that he kept thinking of Kaeya flirting with her then she might not enjoy that either.) I'm serious that I dislike the thought of doing things the way he does you know.

I don't want to use someone's potential feelings toward me the way he does it.

As strange as it is for me to admit after saying just earlier I force it all down... it's really the principle of these things for me, if I go that far I want it to be something deeper not something for the night and that's that.

(Somehow he's glad he's not looking at her while he admits this further. His cheeks reddening at the thought of them isn't going to help him either. But, he did feel he had to explain himself just enough in that regard involving his perspective.

Diluc may perhaps be many things, as well as someone she has on her 'vengeance' list sure, but he held no desire to go that low with someone's heart in general.)

Because I don't want to play with anyone's heart... freezing cold or not. (An awkward beat.) ... and I'd hate to take something that precious for granted to begin with.

[ Another twist in her stomach. He doesn't know how true it is? What exactly is he saying? Surely he doesn't think himself genuinely attracted to her. Only an idiot would allow that of themselves, especially one like himself in the upper echelons of Mondstadt's society. She's a Lawrence, she's tainted by her family's blood, and—

The color drains from her face as quickly as it filled it, and Eula puts a steadying hand to her head. No. She's the idiot. It's clear that Diluc meant in general, not with her.

Of course.

She swallows hard against something that feels remarkably like disappointment; her lips part, trying to find some kind of answer, something to say that doesn't sound as pathetic as she feels while still making herself clear, still expressing that it's okay for him to handle things the way he does—

(An urge to comfort, something she's sure she's never quite felt before)

—but he keeps talking, and her eyes widen, and once again the color rushes to her face. ]

What?

[ She said that out loud, didn't she? There's an internal wince, another swallow against the feeling in her throat— so suddenly something more like fear— and a deep breath, her hand scrabbling to wrap around her Vision as if somehow it will help her summon up the ice she needs to protect against her feelings.

How did feelings even come into this?

(It's the cold. It's just the cold.) ]

Ragnvindr. I'm... [ another breath ] I'm hardly precious, so I would thank you to stop treating me as such. Nor do you need to worry about my feelings.

[ She might, but she's not about to trouble him with that. ]

I'm cold. We both are.

[ They're both lonely, too, her brain reminds her (un)helpfully. She bats the thought away. ]

I'm not saying [ oh god will her mouth stop moving ] we have to do anything about it, but... at the very least, you don't have to worry about me.

... it would still be wrong of me, you know, we're cold yes but... I don't know if you've realized yet I am the type who goes all or nothing with these things. If I think it's there despite this... then there's no going back if we do anything regardless, Eula.

(His tone is quite serious too. Even as he's not facing her that's apparent in his attitude as of now that he wouldn't be feeling this way had he not considered it likely. Loneliness or not, cold or not even. Perhaps it ironically became something in secret between them now that nobody or really anything would know except for them by this point. He only can lay there and keep ignoring it as he speaks to her in such ways.

But... this meant then he'd have no choice but to reveal the rest of his unfortunate thoughts as much as he'd hate it. He doesn't want to but since she won't talk about it to anyone else, he does have to wonder if he should bother.)

...

(He won't say it yet in the end. That and he thinks he'd rather take that part of it to the grave though he had a feeling he'd have to unfortunately see it no matter how much he tries to push it out of mind. The vulnerability still is there but it's apparent that he's at a point he's not certain on if speaking further would end well.

Yet that won't stop the other thoughts from flowing in to his immense displeasure too whenever he held no desire to break hearts despite his attitude.)

It's not like I'm calling you precious, it's always been my thought that the heart is something to be cautious with. (Though hiding the rest of his inner thoughts is going to be a chore since she caught on quickly.) I do apologize if it felt that way.

(Perhaps it's his knightly side resurfacing despite himself. The old Diluc Ragnvindr who joined them with his eyes lit as gentle yet passionate flames before it all went to pieces and ash flying in the breeze.)

[ Her eyes narrow as he speaks, and there's a long moment of silence that stretches between them when he's done, something uncomfortable before she moves to roll over again, her back to him once more.

On the surface, everything he's saying makes sense. She understands it, recognizes the sense in it, in a different situation would probably respect him for it— and yet, somehow, right now his words do little but hurt.

Which... Isn't that stupid? To think: there she was just a moment ago claiming not to be precious, yet in the moment of truth she feels like her heart could very easily snap. And over what, exactly? They barely know each other, they're practically strangers.

Yet somehow she's left feeling rejected.

It's not like she can blame him. He said himself that he's the type who goes all or nothing— she is, too. And there's nothing about this that has the potential for being more. They're strangers— acquaintances at best— who happened to find themselves in a situation that required physical closeness. Despite what he may think, whatever feelings he's having— whatever feelings she's having— she knows it's just the cold.

Outside of that, she's a Lawrence. Outcast in all the wrong ways. It can't be "all", not with her.

So that just leaves "nothing".

She can't just leave him in silence, as much as she might like to, and so after she settles again, she takes a breath. ]

There's nothing to apologize for. Anyway, I understand what you mean.

The thoughts that truly agitated me are different than what I'm speaking of currently, that and I've felt as if I were to mention it that you might not like it... if you're truly that curious on one hand we do have the vow of secrecy.

(Even if he'd have to brace himself to likely be on the receiving end of her own sword in response. Perhaps it's why despite thinking earlier that he'd sooner take this to his grave that he should tell her after all; letting her decide at least what this could be even as he simply lays there. He didn't know how to feel about his feelings shifting into that with his thoughts either.

If anything it made his head hurt all the more.

They aren't close. They're not close at all, they've just barely gotten to know one another to a degree even if they're still in this situation where they're both physically close to one another in a blizzard as their minds begin to argue with certain sides of them.

So his inner turmoil at the thought of his estranged brother flirting with her with only worsens...

If it's truly over the cold why does he feel so agitated thinking about it? It shouldn't be that way even as he attempts to force down his temper from rising with his resonance. So far this time he did it before his body began to heat up to temperatures that would have spelled doom in general.

Damn his stupid mind.)

If I'm going to be blunt on it, it felt... stupid of me to feel my agitation, my irritation flaring at this thought. Mainly because it involves you, yes, but no you are not on the receiving end of what I felt.

(... he'll just have to hope if there is a funeral that Kaeya doesn't suddenly embellish what happened.)

[ ...Right. The agitation. To be honest, in the weirdness of the moment, she's completely forgotten about it, and yet it's what started this whole thing— Well, started this part of it, anyway. In truth, whatever this mess is has been going on since the moment he walked into this cave.

(Barbatos, if she'd just thought to pick any other cave— She'd be dead by now, sure, but at least she wouldn't be enduring... this.)

A breath, her fingers clenching once more at her Vision. ]

Your irritation... involved me somehow?

[ And yet was not directed at her? That made almost no sense, even to a master of oddly-directed agitation like herself. What makes even less sense is his claim that she may not like what he has to say.

No matter which way she tries to piece it together... No, nothing about it makes any sense at all. ]

...Okay. Let's say I'm curious, then. You already have my promise that whatever I hear will stay between the two of us.

[ Whether or not it adds another black mark against the tally in her mental list, though... there's no promise made either way there, nor even a mention of it.

It's probably obvious, anyway. ]

... let's say this. For a moment, imagine if someone were flirting with me in front of you.

(The awkward pause on his part aside, he's bracing himself quite heavily.)

When I thought of you going into the Angel's Share, the thought of Kaeya flirting with you came up and suddenly my stomach began to twist. The emotions I felt didn't feel like it was over coldness.

(And now comes the part where he's readying himself, praying for once to not have to deal with an enraged Eula Lawrence in the midst of a blizzard in the middle of Dragonspine while trapped in a cave. He's tense because he's not expecting this to go over well with her by how he's staying near his sword in the event she herself rises from their bedroll to attempt to stab him or anything.

His own vision was attempting to make his body's resonance react again at the moment too.

Something else that he knows won't go over well enough even as he wishes Barbatos or rather Venti himself, would actually shine over them with some form of good fortune but he'd likely get more enjoyment out of seeing the two suffering in this way. Especially Diluc since he often times cuts him off fairly quick while reminding him of his ever growing bar tab.

He's hoping this isn't about to be a fight.

Surely something would be kind to him, right?)

Edited 2022-11-07 15:48 (UTC)

[ And once again, Eula is left in silence, her fingers tightening still more around her Vision as if it can somehow put an end to the complete and utter misery of the moment. Surely, surely he didn't mean any of that— Despite anything he may have said earlier about not hating her for her name, there's a stark difference between not hating and... and whatever he's describing.

She has no idea that he's bracing himself, but if she were to know, it wouldn't surprise her. If it were anyone else speaking, after all, she'd be likely to deliver vengeance of the swift and angry kind. But she knows him well enough after even just this evening—

(But does she? A moment ago she was telling herself over and over that they're practically strangers)

—She knows that he wouldn't say something like that unless he didn't mean it.

Her fingers are likely white at the knuckles under the material of her gloves, and if it wasn't for the same, the sharp metal decoration around her Vision might cut into the skin. Her voice, when she speaks, is rougher than she would like: ]

But we— We barely know each other. [ What a fantastic objection, Eula. Yanfei would be proud. Her eyes close, her breath rushing from between her lips in another sigh. ] And I'm a Lawrence. And—

[ The words die. That's it; that's all she's got in the way of defense. Largely because the words with which he started his admission are sitting at the back of her mind, reminding her how much she loathes the women who practically throw themselves at Mondstadt's star bachelor day after day. ]

... does it matter whenever I said already that reputation never mattered to me amongst other things? (He's like Kaeya in that regard anyway. Reputation didn't matter, what mattered most was the person they were interested in; though Kaeya's own interest varies more than Diluc's own.) And can we really keep saying that after tonight, today even?

(Even if he didn't know how she felt toward his many suitors. Women saw him as a prize, men saw him as someone they wanted to be. But the truth is that beneath it all he's only one person. Alone. All held as a revered being whilst left to sink further even as he found himself uncertain on how to feel now that he admits he felt jealousy spark at this thought.

Of Kaeya flirting with her.

He did mean it, he wouldn't say it if he didn't feel as if he meant it as he lays there attempting to remind himself that he's not Kaeya involving how he's approaching this. He's not going to lie to her face about any of it.

... even if he did wonder if their secrecy might as well result in worse by how his tension eases only slightly.

He is in fact worrying more than he ever thought since it causes him to wonder just how much of the tension from their disagreements was really deeper than the two of them had thought.)

Do you hate picturing it too? (He won't press her to answer that if she didn't want to. His eyes thankfully hadn't left the blizzard at the entrance nor had he moved any from his position either facing away from her as he had decided on.)

[ In her mind, at least, there's a quick answer to each of his comments.

Yes, it matters. Maybe not to him, but to her— and certainly to the rest of Mondstadt. And yes, they really can keep saying that.

...Sort of.

It's true that she certainly knows him better than she did 12 hours ago. It's true that he might know her better than almost anyone in Teyvat, including members of her own clan. It's certainly true that he's the first person in years to whom she has revealed parts of her that she usually guards much more closely— and within the space of an evening at that.

If all of that is true... are they really strangers anymore?

Her brows crease deeper, a stubborn mental insistence surfacing that yes, yes they are, that an evening wrapped in each others' arms does not closeness make, and her lips part to tell him as much, a sharpness building in the words that die in her mouth, unspoken, when he continues— when he asks her if she, too, hates the thought of...

Eula's eyes close as she tries to summon back a semblance of calm. She swallows. ]

...I find them vapid. [ It's a strange admission to make, to be sure. ] They chase after you for your status, for your name, knowing even less of you than I do. But... that's hardly—

[ It's hardly comparable to what he's described. And how can it be? The images in her mind are all abstract, after all.

A frown. ]

Tell me about one of them.

... Donna who often times is found around Floral Whisper tends to speak of me and only me. She sits and talks to herself or others about me, eyes me from afar and often times sits outside the Angel's Share from her position watching and waiting for me to go in.

(The thought of all that also did not once sit well with him too. He only didn't ask her to stop because unfortunately she was just far away enough that he tried to pretend he didn't notice her. Obviously he knew she did this given that Diluc had the misfortune of being regaled by Kaeya over it and others; that never once was enjoyable to hear either.

Though there is many others, Donna is the sole person who he can name off that sadly left a very strong impression on him with the way she speaks and talks of him.

This being without him naming off he also saved her as the Darklight Hero only to learn she also had a crush on him there courtesy of the Traveler and Kaeya both. He swears at this rate he might as well be cursed if that happened.

It's why he's certain that he can't say that anymore as much as he wants to stubbornly try to. He can't claim they are as much of strangers now than they were before.)

... she's unfortunately the one I strongly remember because of it. There have been open attempts at flirting with me from others, offers, and even them pushing ahead to look at me when I come to town to start preparing for the evening.

[ As usual, she listens in silence, although the second Diluc mentions Donna's name, she feels her blood turn to ice. She knows the girl in question, and has more than once heard her mention her present companion to anyone who'll listen. Of course, she didn't realize that it was to the point that she would watch him each night, and the thought sends an angry chill down her spine, the fingers of the hand still at her side clenching into a fist. ]

I know who you mean. [ Her voice is cold to the point of perhaps being frightening— she has certainly sent men running with less of it leeching into her words— but hopefully he can tell it's not directed at him. ] Although truthfully she sounds more like a stalker than an admirer.

[ And with that, she falls silent for a moment, uncurling her fingers from her Vision, unclenching the other hand, pressing a hand to her chest and just lying there for a few long moments, trying to calm the sudden wave of ice that is trying to claim her.

(Strangely, unlike the blizzard raging around the cave, this ice doesn't feel cold— although she knows it is. There's a moment, a vague thought flitting across her mind, that wonders if he feels it from her the same way she felt the heat from him; that thought is enough to help her stabilize it, her stubbornness simply not allowing her to kill him with the cold after he's worked so hard to protect her from it.)

Another moment or two of silence, and then she speaks, her voice quiet, bitter: ]

I don't like it.

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