vergeltung | 𝐎𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭

[ Even with everything she's said— and everything he confirms that he's seen, there seems to be no judgement from him, which leaves her feeling relieved, and... and there's a vague realization at the back of her mind that this is the first time in a long time that she's actually felt really, genuinely good.

(She shoves that thought down in the box, her pride wanting to focus on that as much as her mental state wants to focus on the other, more troublesome feelings of before.)

Instead, she smiles at what he says about Kaeya and Jean. As frustrating as each of them can be at times, in their own ways... ] They're good friends to you. And while I'm sure it feels to you like you're being needlessly cared for, with the vast number of admirers you have, it probably is for the best.

[ And maybe with this kind of mention, she'd be left trying to tamp down the unjustifiable anger that tries to surface once more at the thought of all the women who throw themselves at him— but this time, that's not the case, because his earlier words bolster her mood a little, leave her smile less strained and much more fond in how it frames her lips. ]

I hope they'll be prepared to let you out of their sight with me, however.

[ Despite how the words on their own might have sounded, there's nothing in her tone of voice that implies her meaning to be anything other than affectionate. In case their current situation weren't clear enough, she has no intention of taking advantage of him, anyway. ]

I doubt they wouldn't trust you anyway. Knowing them if they didn't, things would be different. Kaeya likely would just worry if it's in a public setting just as she would; however I'd rather if I'm going to drink with you for it to be I suppose more private, more personal.

(Which is about more trust than he'd ever give his admirers to begin with; he knows by now she does hate the thought of them all over her which is why he's not necessarily bringing up what the drunken admirers of his has done with attempting to get his attention. All of it a bigger disaster and mess than he'd like, often times making him recoil at the sight just about.

And why Kaeya in another reason took time aside to further educate him on bedroom behavior knowing Diluc had forced himself away from a fair amount of things. He didn't want him being used.

He hates to admit it but Kaeya cares really a lot more than he bothers to let on just as he himself does.)

Personally I never once felt comfortable with the idea of being drunk around them to begin with... not whenever I don't know what they're capable of and the fact that some of them might be sneakier than I'd like to deal with from strangers that think of me as a trophy.

(It's why for the time being with her tone shift, her relief, he's not necessarily minding letting down his guard to talk to her about this. To smile in his own case at her affections while letting her see some manner of fondness and affection from himself too.)

[ There's a slight smile at the mention of drinking somewhere more private and personal with her— despite the fact that this should be an obvious thing due to their agreement to keep things between them secret, she can't help but feel like it's a nicer comment than that, based at least on the tone of his voice, that he wants to spend time quietly with her not just because she's a secret but because he wants to be alone with her.

Like this.

She likes this more than she wants to.

She's silent, but there's a slight nod as she listens, as the topic shifts to the women who chase after him. It makes sense that he'd feel that way. After all, Amber has more than once told her that she should be careful for the same— although opposing— reason, drinking too much in public when her family is as widely loathed as it is. Who's to say someone wouldn't take advantage of it to hurt her?

Of course, she's never listened, and whether it's sheer luck, or her fierceness, or her being a ranked Knight, she's not been hurt yet— unless she counts the pain of the shame and regret the following mornings. Which of course she doesn't.

Right?

She shakes the thought off and focuses in on him again, just listening to his words. With any luck he won't notice the differing emotions playing out, the box apparently a little too full what with the way things seem to want to spill out right now. ]

(Maybe he did notice a little.

Perhaps it's why he stops, perhaps it's why with some manner of voiceless concern his warm hand again cups her cheek. Should he tell her how he felt she could have done better? He's not certain. Some other time maybe. He doesn't press her to speak what's on her mind though he leans in close for her just as a small reminder he's fine enough distracting her within their limits.

Until later.

He's never been certain on how they could just sit there and treat her that way, he's always felt some form of annoyance about it since no matter her own reputation she didn't deserve that sort of treatment. Nor the shame or regret that followed it.

Even if it's unsaid by him he doesn't dislike how fierce she is, how strong she can be as a person no matter circumstances between them.

Even without him saying it he hopes she knows as he leans in again, another kiss, but this time his own emotions were leaking into it. His own worries about if she was okay back then that he never acted on out of his own stubbornness, his own thoughts that those patrons for daring using her own inebriation as an excuse no less was people he did not dare want in there.

He hopes she understands that or can see it in some form now; even if his aloofness may not be easy to bear or deal with.)

[ For a split second, Eula is mad with herself.

It's clear from the way Diluc stops talking, lays a hand against her cheek, that he's seen the emotions play out more clearly on her face than she'd like, and her lips part to tell him that she's okay, that her brain is just being stupid, that she's enjoying— genuinely— listening to him.

But he interrupts her with a kiss, something sudden and soft, and there's something about it that's different from the kisses already shared this evening, something more tender, something sweeter that she can't quite place. There's a moment at the start of it where her eyes fly wide in shock; but they quickly sink shut once more as she finds herself melting into it again— into him. And yet unlike before, she doesn't push it further, doesn't tease him or play— she just kisses back, her fingers finding purchase on his forearms as she tugs him a little closer to her, as her lips answer his into the kiss; where he's tender, she's desperate, more than she'll ever admit.

(And later, she'll be embarrassed to recognize the way that her hands practically cling to his forearms, like he's some kind of lifeline for her.) ]

(He's not pushing it too far, even as he doesn't part for now. His arms held her closer; letting her stay with him like this for once. Letting her have more of his feelings than he ever knew he had toward all of it for her.

Maybe it's different than earlier, maybe it's not in the way he does this knowing perhaps she might not be thrilled and may move him further up on her list as she once told him too. Yet he couldn't help but do this; not whenever she was sinking again, not whenever some of this has always been things he could never bring himself to say to her. If he has to be a lifeline for now, in general, then letting out such things isn't always bad.

If she needs more of him despite a desire to wait... he thinks for once for her alone he'd make exceptions more than he ever thought he would. Something he never once thought he'd feel or think, something that part of him that argues is firmly against, yelling at him about before it's silenced by simply thoughts of her well being.

And really his own thoughts of how he should have maybe been more honest with her in the end.

Earlier even than just now.)

[ It would be easy to lose herself in him like this— especially when mere seconds into the kiss the worst of the thoughts are once again chased away as if they were never there— to let herself fall into him and while away the rest of their time in this cavern wrapped in his embrace, to hold him as her lifeline and bask into the tenderness of the kisses and how they make her feel. And it's tempting, so tempting to do so.

But she made herself a promise— she made him a promise, and it's that promise that has her break the kiss after a while, and despite herself she lingers close, her breath short and warm against his lips, her eyes soft and questioning on his, her fingers tight in the material of his shirt sleeves.

It's hard to catch her breath. ]

Diluc. [ Her voice is soft, shaky. ] We... we made a promise about this, didn't we? You deserve better than this.

[ It may seem weird to bring up over a kiss, but with how fast her heart is beating she fears that she might struggle to pull away from him, if it comes to that. ]

I know... (And yet, his own murmur of it is soft in response, breathless.) I... whenever I got to thinking of it... even after noticing that look on your face...

(There's a beat. He's trying to collect his thoughts, his emotions being so vivid on this weren't helping.)

... I thought to myself if I'm giving you all of me... even with the promise... even if it happens early despite our word given... I don't want to make you feel the way they likely did.

(And... he does trust her. It's difficult, his own softness and emotions were evident just as he finds himself unable to take his eyes off her. His hearts pounding, the heat wasn't unbearable but it's there too with her in his embrace. His issues with trust are always going to be there, but for once with all of it he feels as if he can genuinely trust her.

That's why he did kiss her the way he did no matter how conflicted he himself has been with his own distractions, his own feelings.)

... I didn't like seeing it either, the way they spoke to you and behaved. I didn't judge you, I judged them for doing that.

(Maybe not the full admission that she could have done better than them, but it's close enough to the complete truth since he did always feel that way with what they were doing.)

[ Her head feels like it's spinning. Between the kisses and the multitude of secrets and confessions shared between them, everything feels like it's moving so fast. At the start of their time here, they were strangers— and now she knows for a fact she can't say that anymore. It's confusing, conflicting, strange in so many ways; it ties knots in her stomach and makes it hard to speak as she looks at him, as her ears ache with the kindness of his words. ]

I... [ She shakes her head, the emotions clearly playing out across her face. ] I don't know what to say.

[ How could he not judge her? In those situations, she was just as much of an aggressor as those drunkards who hated her for what she was. Drunk and fiery, she hated them for hating her, a vicious cycle that perpetuated itself into something violently physical. In her own eyes, she was as bad as they were, in her own way. And yet...

And also. It takes a moment in the heat of it all, but she realizes belatedly what he's said, and her eyes soften, her hands grip harder at his forearms. ]

You don't make me feel that way. [ The words are a whisper, a heat coming into her cheeks as she looks at him. She doesn't think she can put into words the way he does make her feel, not right now, but it's not... it's not like that. ] This isn't like that.

[ And she leans forward to close the gap again, what little of it there was, the kiss soft still tinged with that desperation she feels, her hands lifting to grip at the material of his vest instead, giving her more purchase to pull him a little closer to her even as she tries somehow (and fails greatly) to keep things as chaste as possible. ]

(Conflicting, confusing, even he wonders just what he was thinking saying this in their brief time apart. He could have blamed her for their words but he didn't. Drunk and fiery she was, he didn't judge her for her reactions, judge her for what she said, what she did even. He didn't find need of it; vicious cycle or not he always considered her the victim to their actions of provoking her as they saw fit when she were there.

It honestly made his blood boil nearly at the thought of them trying again in general when she's just there to see him.

Yet he's forcing himself to focus on her, the way she's grabbed on to him and really the way that they're both being a mess in a literal sense. Both of them uncertain on how to remotely feel or to speak of this even but he's not going to try and figure out things more knowing he's not in any shape to do it.

The thoughts soon enough at feeling her tug him closer at his half open vest fade, his lips against hers with the tenderness he had earlier. The fire filled tenderness he thinks he should have shown her originally but even that shortly faded by how close he has her in his arms, how close he is to her no less.

Gods above he's certain that whatever this is, he never thinks he can go back to how things once were between them.)

[ Her breath is somehow soft and harsh at the same time against his mouth, and any break she makes in their kiss for air is quickly closed again as she focuses on him and him alone, the only interrupting thought one that reminds her to be good whenever her hands get the urge to wander, whenever her lips have the desire to deepen their kiss.

Embarrassingly, it's a thought that needs to interrupt quite frequently. The truth is, she shouldn't even be tempting her attraction to him like this, shouldn't be pressing the matter when it's so dangerous for her to do so— but there's a small part of her that feels like his words might otherwise bring tears to her eyes, and that's something she can't have, regardless of how much she trusts him with any of this.

Eula Lawrence doesn't cry, after all. It's that simple.

So it's easier for her to focus on this, on him, even as she threatens to drown in the soft tenderness of his kisses.

A vague, wandering thought reminds her that she probably she be vengeful toward him for this, for somehow making himself important enough to her that his opinion can make her emotions so mixed up, and also for becoming the grounding lifeline she needs and wants when that happens. It's honestly terribly unfair of him. ]

(Reminding himself to be 'good' is a bit harder but manageable, his own breathing getting somewhat harsher with the breaks yet still warm enough throughout it. He's considering it somewhat lucky that he's not daring to move aside from near drowning with her in it. It almost makes him wonder how often it happened even if the thought for the time being is shelved currently.

Nothing that he'd dare ask anyway.

Seeing her like this didn't help much with his own attraction involving his old self, the side of him that he would have thought gone with how closed off he became in those three years resurfaced, felt foreign to him even as it came back to a degree.

He's still not certain how she did it but she did.

Whether it be they drown or not it isn't as if he didn't expect her vengeance for going this far to do something for a change. If anything Diluc was fully expecting after this to be in more trouble in her eyes; unfair or not perhaps to her, that's how he always has been. Beneath his stoicism that is knowing that some parts of him simply never faded away no matter how he thought himself. It all just seemed to be dormant.

The consequences can be dealt with later, whatever consequences she chooses to give him in the end.)

[ With each breath that washes onto her lips, the ability to focus gets further and further away. Before long, it's all she can do not to just pull him to her, to encourage him past the point of no return despite promising both of them she wouldn't. It's his fault, of course, with his heated breath and sweet kisses, with the warm firmness of the arms holding her, with whatever it is that has her mouth rushing back to his every time she tries to break the kiss to clear her head. For as chaste as she's trying to keep it, her heart is pounding in her chest, her stomach is tying itself in knots and she's not sure how much longer she can keep this up.

In the end, the only thing she can do is what she's already done once tonight: her hands flatten against his chest and push, forcing space between them, although he'll see easily from the dazed, blown-out look of her eyes and the swollen pink of her lips that she really, really didn't want to. Her breath is short and quick, and her fingers stay splayed on his chest, arms tense as if ready to push if he tries to kiss her again.

She doesn't think she's ever wanted someone quite so much.

Eula shakes her head, not trusting her words to say what they need to right now. ]

(Thankfully he didn't press it further.

He's not moving beyond what he did even if the temptation is there, but no matter how much he couldn't help himself by acting on the feeling he didn't want to break that promise either. It's not something they made lightly though he did say he gave consent enough for it to happen; it's harder to think now without the temptation gnawing at him with his current thoughts.

Diluc hadn't expected to push her into a daze however.

That's part of why he isn't daring to move, holding her for the time being is enough no matter his thoughts or how much he feels he might want to. Something he never once thought he'd feel toward really anyone involving his current state much less his current thoughts of wondering what he's in for now.

He did want her too, a lot more badly than he ever would admit to anyone.

That's why he chooses for now to be silent as they pull together; his own breathing starting to get back to normal with some manner of softness still twinkling in those harsh scarlet flames he calls eyes. He won't dare mention anything for the time being knowing he may have perhaps earned whatever she's thinking of doing to him later.

By now anyway he's certain that if she does want some manner of vengeance that he'd expect it later to happen. If she chooses to take it on him.)

[ When he stills, there's practically a sigh of relief, even if her eyes are still somewhat glazed over as she looks at him. ]

Thank you.

[ Despite all the thoughts of vengeance, when it comes time to say anything at all, those are the only words that will fall from her lips, still parted to let through the soft, short breaths as her heartbeat slows gradually to its normal speed. And so she's not tempted again, she moves to rest her head on his shoulder instead, her eyes closing, her breathing evening out too in the same slow but sure manner.

Why is she thanking him, exactly? Even Eula isn't sure. All she knows is that it felt right to do so, the same way that sitting here in the circle of his arms has come to feel normal in some way.

It helps that the urge to cry has passed.

She sits like that in silence for a few moments, arms falling to wrap around his waist once more, before she feels steady enough to talk, her voice soft: ]

I think you might officially have just passed Amber on the scale of grievances.

... I'll take that as a compliment.

(As close to one as he can get at this point.

Holding her like this isn't bad to begin with as tempting as everything is, with his head for the time being near hers with how she's resting against his shoulder. There's no manner of complaints from him or no other comments after taking her thanks even and really her mention of him passing Amber suddenly.

He's not certain how far that pushes him but he likely is going to wind up on a different list is his current thought floating around on it with the rate he's gone up on her 'vengeance list'.

His warmth is still there. Not on the level as he'd have it were he to be pushed gradually past the point of no return but it is in fact there to wrap her up in it like this.

They both have in this evening dealt with more than expected with how their perspectives shifted; he's not sure on how he's going to keep things hidden involving his attraction but he'll figure out something. He thinks, he hopes anyway.)

... I'm not sure how much it eased or what time it is currently.

(Since he noticed the howl didn't seem as powerful as before. If anything he can prepare to head out soon and expect to be tired on shift at the Angel's Share later on if he doesn't manage to sleep any after all this and the trek down once he's done with his clean up.)

[ If he's listening carefully enough, he'll hear her scoff, mutter something about "how dare you" into his shoulder; other than that, though, Eula sits there in silence for a while, content just to rest against him in such a way. In fact, it's not until he speaks once more that she reacts in some actual way, sitting up to look with bleary eyes— apparently she started dozing in the short time she's been resting on him— at the entry of the cave. ]

It looks better out there. Sounds it, too.

[ Is that something like regret in her voice? There's something in the strain of it, in the way she drops her gaze away from the blizzard and back to his shoulder. ]

I doubt it will be long before we're safe to go our separate ways.

[ Which is a good thing, isn't it? It's meant to be a good thing. From the start, neither of them was planning to spend the night holed up in a cave against a blizzard. (Never mind every other thing that has happened since then, apparently changing her mind on the matter.) They had plans, things they each had to do. ]

I suppose I should mention this... if I don't see you again, I'll personally hunt you down after tonight.

(She might not believe how serious he is but his tone by no means is playing around with such a 'promise'. If he has to, he'll talk Kaeya into giving him her schedule through the usual means if that's what it takes even if it leaves the opportunity for him to figure out what's going on. Whether she tests Diluc on it or not, he's already planning on depending what she does to ask him.

The only regret he has is just not telling her that he'd rather her do far more better than his patrons, really the others she slept with after seeing the way they spoke to her and acted toward her over their differences and dislike of her for her name.)

If you doubt me on that, I don't promise things I don't intend to keep.

(Even then he knows that it might be a bit given the time spent getting back to Mondstadt from Dragonspine. He's lucky in the sense of it not being too far from the Winery for him to make the trek here though climbing down and getting to Mondstadt in time for his shift at the bar will be another story.

Double timing it is a necessity though he's not rushing at the moment. He's more focused on her after noticing her tone with how he's holding her currently.)

[ At first, it's fair to say she doesn't believe him, even with the seriousness of his tone, even with everything that's happened tonight. As the storm lessens up outside and that horrible feeling sinks into her gut, it feels like doubt is slapping her repeatedly in the face. Not of his words or his intent so much but of his feelings, which she fears may turn to regret as day breaks on their night.

He may have temporarily melted her ice wall with his warmth, but she's kept it up protecting her for so many years that it's rebuilt itself out of habit and without warning, and she's reeling from the sudden freeze.

Still, she nods, managing a small smile, at the heat in his second words, the tone in his voice sending a shiver down her spine. Despite the suddenly renewed feeling of wanting to run, to protect herself, she has to keep some sense of normalcy about her, about the situation, until they part ways. She can fall apart then, and only then. ]

Of course. There are a lot of thoughts I wouldn't have shared tonight if I didn't trust your intent to keep your promises, Ragnvindr.

... and I'll be sure to keep that promise of finding you too.

(There is no regret in his tone. Regrets are something he has plenty of but he wouldn't regret this however much part of him says he should knowing what he has to do as his life's work. He doesn't say any of it lightly though he's not certain on how long it might be knowing she has her mission there as well.

As himself he won't remotely change his mind on any of it. It would be unusual for him to do so even after he continues his shaky yet slowly mending relationship with Kaeya too.

He won't fall back on that promise even as he sees the light start to poke through the clouds from there; he may not say anything for the time being but he is not certain if he would be able to stop his building frustrations from exploding if she didn't trust him fully in his intent.

Feeling this way much to his flame filled hearts dismay and not shielding himself again in all of it would just have made him a liar about all of it down to his attraction being obvious. He isn't going to back down off it.

Hopefully he can keep certain patrons from stirring up problems with her too.)

I know.

[ Toward the beginning of this, she's sure she made her own promise, something about keeping a closer eye on him now that he'd build up a certain amount of vengeance.

Unlike him, though, she doesn't repeat it, the words held behind an icy cage.

She's too busy noticing, like him, the first light poking through the storm clouds, and with it comes the sinking feeling in her chest.

Just like that, the night is over. ]

( to be continued )

𝐎𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭

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