vergeltung | 𝐎𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭

...

(He isn't awake alone after all, again he sighs about it. He didn't detect anger in her tone and yet he's rubbing his temples; this is suppose to be his attempt at forcing some form of distance and yet it's failing.

He was suppose to come up with an excuse for later to hide all of this and yet the thoughts were not going his way either. Perhaps it's why he gave up just a little for once.)

... just more annoyed at myself.

(Answering the specifics of it is not on his agenda but there's no use hiding that part of it. He isn't sure if he could even tell her why he's annoyed at himself without her being upset.

So he'll give her this much without offering the full extent of his thoughts that are pertaining to her now. She didn't have to know or so he thinks.

He'll just attempt to keep it to himself unless she somehow manages to without realizing make him talk about it. Though that would more be a feat from what he's noticed of the way the two of them act; a feat for the ages that she managed to make Diluc Ragnvindr as he is now speak his mind without hiding it.)

Annoyed? At yourself?

[ Eula can't help it; she laughs again, the sound more of a chuckle in the blackness of the cave. There's nothing derisive about it, though, nothing meant to offend— although if he feels offended by it is another matter entirely— and if it wasn't clear, the words that follow it in the next beat make it more immediately obvious: ]

Well. That makes two of us, then.

[ With another sigh, she twists in the bedroll, turning to face his back— it's a terrifying gesture, if she's honest, but with him still turned away from her, it feels safer, somehow. (Not that any of this is even remotely safe. Her brain, every instinct she has, is screaming at her to turn away once more, to mind her own business, to stay out of it—) ]

We're sworn to secrecy, aren't we? So if you want to talk about it, I'll listen.

[ Is it selfish to offer help to someone on the grounds that it will help you keep your mind off your own problems? Probably.

But right now, Eula is desperate. ]

... it's mainly pertaining to thoughts that keep striking me, though I'm not sure if I should mention it.

(Doing so would break that peace there is. Their problems now at this point were similar in that regard as he starts to wonder just how to go about this without causing her to realize it might potentially be about her. It's harder than he likes. He's not necessarily going to enjoy being the cause of a greater issue if it comes out.

Yet he's currently having a certain side of him flaring as if demanding he stop lying to himself, stop fooling himself in general by now with how it was going. But he won't. Not unless something made him say it. It's enough to make him wonder just how far he's lost his mind to dare think of this or really anything to do with her in such ways.

But... despite it he'd stare once more at the blizzard outside. She can't see his reactions which helps he thinks with this further.)

I'll be at most honest with this. This is nothing I'm use to, something I've always denied myself of to work myself to the bone for my objectives. I tell myself often times I don't need it, I'm not Kaeya in that regard, so I don't need it.

(By the pause it's getting uncomfortable for him to admit and yet...)

... it just reminds me of the fact I've chose to give up so much yet a part of me still screams out against my thoughts and judgment. I mentioned Kaeya knows the greater extent of what was done to my body, yes, but that's because he had to help me.

(And he didn't trust himself with others, he could ignore Kaeya's touch as much as he can ignore his own with patching up his own body. His eyes were closed, but he's forcing himself to not bring her into it fully.)

... though I feel foolish even now for talking about it.

[ Her eyebrows raise in response to the statement, and there's a weird knot in the pit of her stomach as her brain latches onto the words, and for a moment she's sure that she feels her heart speed up— although that's honestly just the cold, she tells herself, even as her brain keeps revisiting it. His thoughts, like hers, are wandering, and the way he speaks of it makes it sound like—

I'm not Kaeya in that regard

—Oh. It is.

While he may be avoiding saying it exactly, the way he moves from one topic to the next makes it clear to her, and that's bad because it brings all her own thoughts about their closeness rushing right back. The desire to reach for him is very sudden, very real, and it practically takes her physically holding her hand against her chest to avoid caving to it.

And while her body is aching to reach out, her usual defensive shell is insisting that she pretend to have successfully fallen asleep, or even to hit him and tell him that he's no better than his scumbag of a brother. But those options are just as bad in their own way— and far less honest than he deserves for having been as open with her as he has been just now.

She takes a deep, shaky breath. ]

It is just the cold, Ragnvindr. [ Despite the forced formality in her words, her voice cracks over it, a strange earnestness in her tone unlike any that anyone has heard from her; it's clear that she's trying to convince him as well as herself at this point, even as she presses on. ] When the air is as dangerous as it is now, it is only natural for our thoughts to move toward things that will help to warm us further.

(The sigh he heaves is heavy. None of it felt as if it were the cold, it felt as if they were trying to convince one another they were better than this. They didn't need it. The cold is the cause of it yet it keeps hitting no matter how often he just tells himself that. He isn't Kaeya is right because Kaeya likely would not be sitting there if he felt a certain way to begin with. He would be acting on it which Diluc couldn't stomach doing because she wouldn't like it or enjoy it.

It's part of why he just stares again, now out to the blizzard once his scarlet eyes open once more. His gut hates this feeling and yet... he still cannot make himself ignore it which is why he wonders how much of a fool he is for telling her.)

I don't know how true that is at this point. Because I can try to force the thoughts away and they've stayed. (And it's not wrong. He's always done that with forcing these thoughts done yet it still remains clear as day there. He wants to say it's because they swore to secrecy but it's not the case. If he told her that he kept thinking of Kaeya flirting with her then she might not enjoy that either.) I'm serious that I dislike the thought of doing things the way he does you know.

I don't want to use someone's potential feelings toward me the way he does it.

As strange as it is for me to admit after saying just earlier I force it all down... it's really the principle of these things for me, if I go that far I want it to be something deeper not something for the night and that's that.

(Somehow he's glad he's not looking at her while he admits this further. His cheeks reddening at the thought of them isn't going to help him either. But, he did feel he had to explain himself just enough in that regard involving his perspective.

Diluc may perhaps be many things, as well as someone she has on her 'vengeance' list sure, but he held no desire to go that low with someone's heart in general.)

Because I don't want to play with anyone's heart... freezing cold or not. (An awkward beat.) ... and I'd hate to take something that precious for granted to begin with.

[ Another twist in her stomach. He doesn't know how true it is? What exactly is he saying? Surely he doesn't think himself genuinely attracted to her. Only an idiot would allow that of themselves, especially one like himself in the upper echelons of Mondstadt's society. She's a Lawrence, she's tainted by her family's blood, and—

The color drains from her face as quickly as it filled it, and Eula puts a steadying hand to her head. No. She's the idiot. It's clear that Diluc meant in general, not with her.

Of course.

She swallows hard against something that feels remarkably like disappointment; her lips part, trying to find some kind of answer, something to say that doesn't sound as pathetic as she feels while still making herself clear, still expressing that it's okay for him to handle things the way he does—

(An urge to comfort, something she's sure she's never quite felt before)

—but he keeps talking, and her eyes widen, and once again the color rushes to her face. ]

What?

[ She said that out loud, didn't she? There's an internal wince, another swallow against the feeling in her throat— so suddenly something more like fear— and a deep breath, her hand scrabbling to wrap around her Vision as if somehow it will help her summon up the ice she needs to protect against her feelings.

How did feelings even come into this?

(It's the cold. It's just the cold.) ]

Ragnvindr. I'm... [ another breath ] I'm hardly precious, so I would thank you to stop treating me as such. Nor do you need to worry about my feelings.

[ She might, but she's not about to trouble him with that. ]

I'm cold. We both are.

[ They're both lonely, too, her brain reminds her (un)helpfully. She bats the thought away. ]

I'm not saying [ oh god will her mouth stop moving ] we have to do anything about it, but... at the very least, you don't have to worry about me.

... it would still be wrong of me, you know, we're cold yes but... I don't know if you've realized yet I am the type who goes all or nothing with these things. If I think it's there despite this... then there's no going back if we do anything regardless, Eula.

(His tone is quite serious too. Even as he's not facing her that's apparent in his attitude as of now that he wouldn't be feeling this way had he not considered it likely. Loneliness or not, cold or not even. Perhaps it ironically became something in secret between them now that nobody or really anything would know except for them by this point. He only can lay there and keep ignoring it as he speaks to her in such ways.

But... this meant then he'd have no choice but to reveal the rest of his unfortunate thoughts as much as he'd hate it. He doesn't want to but since she won't talk about it to anyone else, he does have to wonder if he should bother.)

...

(He won't say it yet in the end. That and he thinks he'd rather take that part of it to the grave though he had a feeling he'd have to unfortunately see it no matter how much he tries to push it out of mind. The vulnerability still is there but it's apparent that he's at a point he's not certain on if speaking further would end well.

Yet that won't stop the other thoughts from flowing in to his immense displeasure too whenever he held no desire to break hearts despite his attitude.)

It's not like I'm calling you precious, it's always been my thought that the heart is something to be cautious with. (Though hiding the rest of his inner thoughts is going to be a chore since she caught on quickly.) I do apologize if it felt that way.

(Perhaps it's his knightly side resurfacing despite himself. The old Diluc Ragnvindr who joined them with his eyes lit as gentle yet passionate flames before it all went to pieces and ash flying in the breeze.)

[ Her eyes narrow as he speaks, and there's a long moment of silence that stretches between them when he's done, something uncomfortable before she moves to roll over again, her back to him once more.

On the surface, everything he's saying makes sense. She understands it, recognizes the sense in it, in a different situation would probably respect him for it— and yet, somehow, right now his words do little but hurt.

Which... Isn't that stupid? To think: there she was just a moment ago claiming not to be precious, yet in the moment of truth she feels like her heart could very easily snap. And over what, exactly? They barely know each other, they're practically strangers.

Yet somehow she's left feeling rejected.

It's not like she can blame him. He said himself that he's the type who goes all or nothing— she is, too. And there's nothing about this that has the potential for being more. They're strangers— acquaintances at best— who happened to find themselves in a situation that required physical closeness. Despite what he may think, whatever feelings he's having— whatever feelings she's having— she knows it's just the cold.

Outside of that, she's a Lawrence. Outcast in all the wrong ways. It can't be "all", not with her.

So that just leaves "nothing".

She can't just leave him in silence, as much as she might like to, and so after she settles again, she takes a breath. ]

There's nothing to apologize for. Anyway, I understand what you mean.

The thoughts that truly agitated me are different than what I'm speaking of currently, that and I've felt as if I were to mention it that you might not like it... if you're truly that curious on one hand we do have the vow of secrecy.

(Even if he'd have to brace himself to likely be on the receiving end of her own sword in response. Perhaps it's why despite thinking earlier that he'd sooner take this to his grave that he should tell her after all; letting her decide at least what this could be even as he simply lays there. He didn't know how to feel about his feelings shifting into that with his thoughts either.

If anything it made his head hurt all the more.

They aren't close. They're not close at all, they've just barely gotten to know one another to a degree even if they're still in this situation where they're both physically close to one another in a blizzard as their minds begin to argue with certain sides of them.

So his inner turmoil at the thought of his estranged brother flirting with her with only worsens...

If it's truly over the cold why does he feel so agitated thinking about it? It shouldn't be that way even as he attempts to force down his temper from rising with his resonance. So far this time he did it before his body began to heat up to temperatures that would have spelled doom in general.

Damn his stupid mind.)

If I'm going to be blunt on it, it felt... stupid of me to feel my agitation, my irritation flaring at this thought. Mainly because it involves you, yes, but no you are not on the receiving end of what I felt.

(... he'll just have to hope if there is a funeral that Kaeya doesn't suddenly embellish what happened.)

[ ...Right. The agitation. To be honest, in the weirdness of the moment, she's completely forgotten about it, and yet it's what started this whole thing— Well, started this part of it, anyway. In truth, whatever this mess is has been going on since the moment he walked into this cave.

(Barbatos, if she'd just thought to pick any other cave— She'd be dead by now, sure, but at least she wouldn't be enduring... this.)

A breath, her fingers clenching once more at her Vision. ]

Your irritation... involved me somehow?

[ And yet was not directed at her? That made almost no sense, even to a master of oddly-directed agitation like herself. What makes even less sense is his claim that she may not like what he has to say.

No matter which way she tries to piece it together... No, nothing about it makes any sense at all. ]

...Okay. Let's say I'm curious, then. You already have my promise that whatever I hear will stay between the two of us.

[ Whether or not it adds another black mark against the tally in her mental list, though... there's no promise made either way there, nor even a mention of it.

It's probably obvious, anyway. ]

... let's say this. For a moment, imagine if someone were flirting with me in front of you.

(The awkward pause on his part aside, he's bracing himself quite heavily.)

When I thought of you going into the Angel's Share, the thought of Kaeya flirting with you came up and suddenly my stomach began to twist. The emotions I felt didn't feel like it was over coldness.

(And now comes the part where he's readying himself, praying for once to not have to deal with an enraged Eula Lawrence in the midst of a blizzard in the middle of Dragonspine while trapped in a cave. He's tense because he's not expecting this to go over well with her by how he's staying near his sword in the event she herself rises from their bedroll to attempt to stab him or anything.

His own vision was attempting to make his body's resonance react again at the moment too.

Something else that he knows won't go over well enough even as he wishes Barbatos or rather Venti himself, would actually shine over them with some form of good fortune but he'd likely get more enjoyment out of seeing the two suffering in this way. Especially Diluc since he often times cuts him off fairly quick while reminding him of his ever growing bar tab.

He's hoping this isn't about to be a fight.

Surely something would be kind to him, right?)

Edited 2022-11-07 15:48 (UTC)

[ And once again, Eula is left in silence, her fingers tightening still more around her Vision as if it can somehow put an end to the complete and utter misery of the moment. Surely, surely he didn't mean any of that— Despite anything he may have said earlier about not hating her for her name, there's a stark difference between not hating and... and whatever he's describing.

She has no idea that he's bracing himself, but if she were to know, it wouldn't surprise her. If it were anyone else speaking, after all, she'd be likely to deliver vengeance of the swift and angry kind. But she knows him well enough after even just this evening—

(But does she? A moment ago she was telling herself over and over that they're practically strangers)

—She knows that he wouldn't say something like that unless he didn't mean it.

Her fingers are likely white at the knuckles under the material of her gloves, and if it wasn't for the same, the sharp metal decoration around her Vision might cut into the skin. Her voice, when she speaks, is rougher than she would like: ]

But we— We barely know each other. [ What a fantastic objection, Eula. Yanfei would be proud. Her eyes close, her breath rushing from between her lips in another sigh. ] And I'm a Lawrence. And—

[ The words die. That's it; that's all she's got in the way of defense. Largely because the words with which he started his admission are sitting at the back of her mind, reminding her how much she loathes the women who practically throw themselves at Mondstadt's star bachelor day after day. ]

... does it matter whenever I said already that reputation never mattered to me amongst other things? (He's like Kaeya in that regard anyway. Reputation didn't matter, what mattered most was the person they were interested in; though Kaeya's own interest varies more than Diluc's own.) And can we really keep saying that after tonight, today even?

(Even if he didn't know how she felt toward his many suitors. Women saw him as a prize, men saw him as someone they wanted to be. But the truth is that beneath it all he's only one person. Alone. All held as a revered being whilst left to sink further even as he found himself uncertain on how to feel now that he admits he felt jealousy spark at this thought.

Of Kaeya flirting with her.

He did mean it, he wouldn't say it if he didn't feel as if he meant it as he lays there attempting to remind himself that he's not Kaeya involving how he's approaching this. He's not going to lie to her face about any of it.

... even if he did wonder if their secrecy might as well result in worse by how his tension eases only slightly.

He is in fact worrying more than he ever thought since it causes him to wonder just how much of the tension from their disagreements was really deeper than the two of them had thought.)

Do you hate picturing it too? (He won't press her to answer that if she didn't want to. His eyes thankfully hadn't left the blizzard at the entrance nor had he moved any from his position either facing away from her as he had decided on.)

[ In her mind, at least, there's a quick answer to each of his comments.

Yes, it matters. Maybe not to him, but to her— and certainly to the rest of Mondstadt. And yes, they really can keep saying that.

...Sort of.

It's true that she certainly knows him better than she did 12 hours ago. It's true that he might know her better than almost anyone in Teyvat, including members of her own clan. It's certainly true that he's the first person in years to whom she has revealed parts of her that she usually guards much more closely— and within the space of an evening at that.

If all of that is true... are they really strangers anymore?

Her brows crease deeper, a stubborn mental insistence surfacing that yes, yes they are, that an evening wrapped in each others' arms does not closeness make, and her lips part to tell him as much, a sharpness building in the words that die in her mouth, unspoken, when he continues— when he asks her if she, too, hates the thought of...

Eula's eyes close as she tries to summon back a semblance of calm. She swallows. ]

...I find them vapid. [ It's a strange admission to make, to be sure. ] They chase after you for your status, for your name, knowing even less of you than I do. But... that's hardly—

[ It's hardly comparable to what he's described. And how can it be? The images in her mind are all abstract, after all.

A frown. ]

Tell me about one of them.

... Donna who often times is found around Floral Whisper tends to speak of me and only me. She sits and talks to herself or others about me, eyes me from afar and often times sits outside the Angel's Share from her position watching and waiting for me to go in.

(The thought of all that also did not once sit well with him too. He only didn't ask her to stop because unfortunately she was just far away enough that he tried to pretend he didn't notice her. Obviously he knew she did this given that Diluc had the misfortune of being regaled by Kaeya over it and others; that never once was enjoyable to hear either.

Though there is many others, Donna is the sole person who he can name off that sadly left a very strong impression on him with the way she speaks and talks of him.

This being without him naming off he also saved her as the Darklight Hero only to learn she also had a crush on him there courtesy of the Traveler and Kaeya both. He swears at this rate he might as well be cursed if that happened.

It's why he's certain that he can't say that anymore as much as he wants to stubbornly try to. He can't claim they are as much of strangers now than they were before.)

... she's unfortunately the one I strongly remember because of it. There have been open attempts at flirting with me from others, offers, and even them pushing ahead to look at me when I come to town to start preparing for the evening.

[ As usual, she listens in silence, although the second Diluc mentions Donna's name, she feels her blood turn to ice. She knows the girl in question, and has more than once heard her mention her present companion to anyone who'll listen. Of course, she didn't realize that it was to the point that she would watch him each night, and the thought sends an angry chill down her spine, the fingers of the hand still at her side clenching into a fist. ]

I know who you mean. [ Her voice is cold to the point of perhaps being frightening— she has certainly sent men running with less of it leeching into her words— but hopefully he can tell it's not directed at him. ] Although truthfully she sounds more like a stalker than an admirer.

[ And with that, she falls silent for a moment, uncurling her fingers from her Vision, unclenching the other hand, pressing a hand to her chest and just lying there for a few long moments, trying to calm the sudden wave of ice that is trying to claim her.

(Strangely, unlike the blizzard raging around the cave, this ice doesn't feel cold— although she knows it is. There's a moment, a vague thought flitting across her mind, that wonders if he feels it from her the same way she felt the heat from him; that thought is enough to help her stabilize it, her stubbornness simply not allowing her to kill him with the cold after he's worked so hard to protect her from it.)

Another moment or two of silence, and then she speaks, her voice quiet, bitter: ]

I don't like it.

(He's quiet, listening, and did in fact notice the ice resonating off her whenever she starts to show her own agitation at this string of thoughts and by her tone too. Though he isn't going to press too much on it he did start to wonder how much the two of them were prone to ignoring.

His body says everything really.

Getting him to admit this is another story however that he will not be doing yet. That needed more time to begin with anyway as he finds himself starting to have his mind trail back into things he chalked up as his own loneliness and the cold stirring things he has long since thought he buried.

The cold in the brief time from her resonance did cause his body to shudder just a bit before it settles once more from his own resonance shielding him as if he were in need of protection. Regardless... he's not certain where to go with any of this.

All of it is far too new, far too unusual to him.)

... I didn't like what I pictured from Kaeya either.

(Though his own admission was quiet too. His decision to not move is more for both of their sake due to not wanting to dare cross unnecessary boundaries this suddenly despite what they've found out about themselves.

This really isn't what he expected to happen as his tension starts to ease more; he can relax for now until he thinks he may have to do something she'd hate.)

R— Right.

[ It's rare for Eula to stumble over her words, especially something as simple as a confirmation; right now, however, she's in completely new territory— as if she hasn't been all along. From the moment he found her in this Barbatos-damned cave, she's been on the defensive, and yet somehow even if her worst nightmares she doesn't think that she could have conjured something as complicated and uncomfortable as this.

Even a one-sided attraction would be better than this. Rejection, after all, is something she knows how to deal with. But this... ]

I... [ and she's glad he can't see her face right now; there's heat in her cheeks again, her discomfort written clearly over her expression as she tries to think of how to say what's on her mind ] I suppose I... I'm not entirely sure what I am meant to do with this information.

[ From Eula, it's a big admission, even when compared to the one made mere moments before about her dislike of Donna's advances toward Diluc. Attraction and jealousy are one thing. (And she's still not entirely convinced that the cold isn't helping her toward them.) Weakness, though, is entirely another. And this— not knowing what to do, being unsure of herself— this is a weakness.

For a single, wild moment, she almost wishes the stupid Traveler were here— or even Amber. Both of them always know exactly what to say when she's in a bind like this... and while she may curse them to Celestia and back for it, right now she thinks she could really use the help. ]

(If there's one thing Diluc is mindful of it's also really to know when he has to be careful. As she is now, he's not being the least bit forceful in any of his realizations, his questions, and really the way he's speaking to her. This was new to him too. That was the unsaid part for now as he wonders what exactly could be done in response to their accidental self discoveries.

Obviously he isn't going to pressure her either.

But he somehow just knows that part of his mind was not fueled by freezing cold; it was there right in front of him and as much as he hates it... he isn't the type to dislike someone over their family reputation much less their own unless they were connected to the Fatui. Something which made him sigh.

He's better off being honest with her.)

Ironically it's new to me... funny, right? The uncrowned monarch hasn't done any of this before nor has he admitted to such things before. (Yet he also knows boundaries well. The two of them have some form of set boundaries; something they haven't pushed too far despite their current state.)

... Eula, I'll at least say that I'm not going to force you, contrary to now also with the cold, into situations such as this. I said already I am the type of person who is all-or-nothing, if the line gets crossed I want it to be of your choice and something you won't regret.

(And he is quite serious despite his blushing cheeks in saying this too.)

[ If she were being honest with herself, Eula would probably recognize too that this feeling is not one pushed on by the cold, or by the position in which they find themselves. The problem, of course, is that being honest with herself means being vulnerable, and she's done just about enough of that tonight for a lifetime. While Diluc at least can be honest with himself, and recognize that being honest with her in turn makes more sense, she has the struggle of opening up to herself first and foremost.

Still, his words make her smile, even if the expression is somewhat strained. ]

If you were anything like Alberich, I'd find it funny. But despite your status... well, we have made it more than clear this evening that we are not our status, haven't we?

[ And while the deeper emotions in her psyche will be much tougher for him to reach with words alone, what he said now does gain an honest response from her, even if it's far from the whole story: ]

...It's probably less of a surprise that it is much the same for me. [ There have been a few encounters, certainly, the outcome of too many ales and angry words with another bar patron turning later into something heated, physical, regretted immediately in the moments after. But there's been nothing like this, nothing warm and almost gentle, nothing she feels like she could trust even without a vow of secrecy keeping their lips sealed.

She sighs. Something she won't regret, hm? ]

I... At least for now, I can't say I'll regret being here with you like this, Ragnvindr.

(Even with earning her honesty at this extent, he doesn't mind that thankfully. With him being something of a gentleman he prefers to truthfully not behave in a certain way; though he's certain that Kaeya might be there saying they made some form of progress in their current encounter. Likely attempting to search for a drink in his pack to go with the 'mood' before being silenced.

He sighs though it sounds more relieved at hearing she doesn't regret it.

He won't force her honesty or her to be completely open with him if she does choose to cross the line. Even Diluc recognizes that he himself is just as difficult on that front to deal with as he lays there, the positive is his vision at least has some form of telltale signs that he's capable however of being upfront with these things when he must.

Being confronted by it always isn't the best of feelings for him and yet...)

... I don't regret it either in the end, despite a lot of this being... foreign I guess we can say. (And he does know how ironic it is from her comment about his status and his own earlier one. Then again it's more a relief neither of them are truly their status no matter how they're looked at in the eyes of the populace.)

And... if you do desire to step further as I said, it's our own privacy to begin with.

(Vow of secrecy or not, he is a very private person after all with these things. Betraying trust like that never sat well with him either; it's why he would prefer her own comfort in these decisions. Not spurred on due to things.

That and really he thinks despite their reputations that people don't have to know unless she wants them to know, unless he wants them to know no less. Something else Kaeya would likely be 'proud' of that Diluc is doing... though Diluc feels a migraine a little imagining him saying that he's glad the knight turned vigilante is growing up.

... he'll just the next time he sees him cut him off early.)

[ Once again, he's met with silence, the moment stretching as her brain works slowly through the words he's spoken, and she's glad that they're not facing each other because once again a flush of heat works its way up her cheeks. Her mouth feels dry, and she swallows against it, her arms folding protectively over her chest.

If she desires... but what about him? He said he wouldn't push anything on her, but at the same time, that tells her absolutely nothing of what he wants.

And part of her wants to know... even if the other part hesitates at making her vulnerable. He said "all or nothing". If they cross any kind of line here, there's no coming back from that. No backing out when it gets too ~~scary~~ ~~real~~

"irritating" is the world she settles on in her own mind, even as an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach tells her the truth of it.

But in the end, the curiosity wins out, even as her arms fold tighter into themselves, as her throat catches over the words. ]

What about you? [ There's both relief and regret once the question is out— (only it's not regret, it's that same anxious fear that keeps her from speaking out most of the time)— but she presses forward: ] You talk about what I want, and yet you've said nothing of what you do.

[ If she were anyone else, perhaps one of his many admirers, she'd have picked up on the clues he's giving her through his words alone. But she's not someone else— she's Eula. And she has a feeling even as she asks that Amber would be slapping her head in frustration... but still, she needs to know for sure. ]

... Eula, I was saying that I desire for you to do this at your own pace and adding that I have no desire to push or make you move faster than you want to.

(Really he's not certain how else he can spell this out, in words anyway. If he had let himself act on his feelings that were screaming at him he'd have honestly kissed her at this rate. Something which he's reluctant to admit. She might not enjoy this coming out his mouth so bluntly but there didn't seem to be much choice.

Perhaps that's why with him bracing himself again he came to a decision on that part of it.)

If it wasn't for me wanting your comfort over my own, if we were both different people perhaps than we were currently I can admit that I'd have honestly kissed you by now if that says anything.

(By his tone this was by no means easy to admit either. Kaeya would be thrilled, pushing these answers out of Diluc is always entertaining to him much to the scarlet haired 'monarchs' dismay toward his brothers attitude on these things.

He's redder than he'd like to be about it, his temperature rises once more only to be pushed downward for her sake as it attempts to react to his embarrassment and more at the thought of it. He's certain that he may be heading toward her wrath which is why he's attempting to always prepare for these things to backfire.

After his fight with Kaeya... he's certain that he doesn't want to cause another incident like that by clashing with her whether it be intentional or not.)

[ For a single moment, her brain tries to do its normal thing: take the words he's just said and try to twist them, turn them into something that gives her permission to push him away, to declare vengeance, to put a sharp and sudden stop to all of this before it can go further.

And for a moment, it's almost easy— if we were both different people, he says, and she starts to bristle, the indignant words already finding purchase in her brain—

But his tone stops her flat, as does the way that his temperature soars momentarily at her back, even as she feels the chill of ice-cold fear take a grip of her stomach. His tone, his temperature, both make his meaning all too clear even if her brain tries to twist the words, tries to make her think he's wishing she were someone else despite all evidence to the contrary.

Her breathing is short, all of a sudden, and her heart feels like it's going a thousand miles a minute— and this time there's no point in trying to tell herself it's from the physical needs of her body; she knows why it's happening even before she can try to convince herself otherwise. ]

I. [ She gets as far as the pronoun before she snaps her lips shut, her eyes closing in mortification. A breath, a few breaths, and she summons the courage back to continue: ] I've been thinking about the same thing. For... for a while.

(That... was not what he expected. The tension once more fading though he's not moving yet; he did tell her himself that he would not do so unless she wills it. It's why he waits since this is suppose to be done at a pace she wishes for instead of a complete rush. His eyes are trying not to leave staring off straight ahead to take chance to look back at her to make sure she was okay.

He doesn't want her to feel need to rush as he's said.

That's why he dare thinks that Kaeya would be encouraging him further to speak onward, to stop holding it all in if he's sworn to secrecy in the end. Though secrecy from Diluc is as a good as assured knowing just how he is.

His own heart is pounding too, thundering just about as he attempts to make himself calm down. If he over does it... it'd be as good as hurting them both in the end which is another reason why he was not certain if he should have said it.

He can consider this as a fortunate moment by the grace of some other Archon knowing Barbatos or rather Venti, would be too amused by their antics.)

... even now it's still hitting.

(Yet he will not let himself do anything she does not want unless she says something first. He told her that after all when he went to warm her.)

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