[ Her eyebrows raise in response to the statement, and there's a weird knot in the pit of her stomach as her brain latches onto the words, and for a moment she's sure that she feels her heart speed up— although that's honestly just the cold, she tells herself, even as her brain keeps revisiting it. His thoughts, like hers, are wandering, and the way he speaks of it makes it sound like—
I'm not Kaeya in that regard
—Oh. It is.
While he may be avoiding saying it exactly, the way he moves from one topic to the next makes it clear to her, and that's bad because it brings all her own thoughts about their closeness rushing right back. The desire to reach for him is very sudden, very real, and it practically takes her physically holding her hand against her chest to avoid caving to it.
And while her body is aching to reach out, her usual defensive shell is insisting that she pretend to have successfully fallen asleep, or even to hit him and tell him that he's no better than his scumbag of a brother. But those options are just as bad in their own way— and far less honest than he deserves for having been as open with her as he has been just now.
She takes a deep, shaky breath. ]
It is just the cold, Ragnvindr. [ Despite the forced formality in her words, her voice cracks over it, a strange earnestness in her tone unlike any that anyone has heard from her; it's clear that she's trying to convince him as well as herself at this point, even as she presses on. ] When the air is as dangerous as it is now, it is only natural for our thoughts to move toward things that will help to warm us further.
no subject
I'm not Kaeya in that regard
—Oh. It is.
While he may be avoiding saying it exactly, the way he moves from one topic to the next makes it clear to her, and that's bad because it brings all her own thoughts about their closeness rushing right back. The desire to reach for him is very sudden, very real, and it practically takes her physically holding her hand against her chest to avoid caving to it.
And while her body is aching to reach out, her usual defensive shell is insisting that she pretend to have successfully fallen asleep, or even to hit him and tell him that he's no better than his scumbag of a brother. But those options are just as bad in their own way— and far less honest than he deserves for having been as open with her as he has been just now.
She takes a deep, shaky breath. ]
It is just the cold, Ragnvindr. [ Despite the forced formality in her words, her voice cracks over it, a strange earnestness in her tone unlike any that anyone has heard from her; it's clear that she's trying to convince him as well as herself at this point, even as she presses on. ] When the air is as dangerous as it is now, it is only natural for our thoughts to move toward things that will help to warm us further.