... it's mainly pertaining to thoughts that keep striking me, though I'm not sure if I should mention it.
(Doing so would break that peace there is. Their problems now at this point were similar in that regard as he starts to wonder just how to go about this without causing her to realize it might potentially be about her. It's harder than he likes. He's not necessarily going to enjoy being the cause of a greater issue if it comes out.
Yet he's currently having a certain side of him flaring as if demanding he stop lying to himself, stop fooling himself in general by now with how it was going. But he won't. Not unless something made him say it. It's enough to make him wonder just how far he's lost his mind to dare think of this or really anything to do with her in such ways.
But... despite it he'd stare once more at the blizzard outside. She can't see his reactions which helps he thinks with this further.)
I'll be at most honest with this. This is nothing I'm use to, something I've always denied myself of to work myself to the bone for my objectives. I tell myself often times I don't need it, I'm not Kaeya in that regard, so I don't need it.
(By the pause it's getting uncomfortable for him to admit and yet...)
... it just reminds me of the fact I've chose to give up so much yet a part of me still screams out against my thoughts and judgment. I mentioned Kaeya knows the greater extent of what was done to my body, yes, but that's because he had to help me.
(And he didn't trust himself with others, he could ignore Kaeya's touch as much as he can ignore his own with patching up his own body. His eyes were closed, but he's forcing himself to not bring her into it fully.)
... though I feel foolish even now for talking about it.
no subject
(Doing so would break that peace there is. Their problems now at this point were similar in that regard as he starts to wonder just how to go about this without causing her to realize it might potentially be about her. It's harder than he likes. He's not necessarily going to enjoy being the cause of a greater issue if it comes out.
Yet he's currently having a certain side of him flaring as if demanding he stop lying to himself, stop fooling himself in general by now with how it was going. But he won't. Not unless something made him say it. It's enough to make him wonder just how far he's lost his mind to dare think of this or really anything to do with her in such ways.
But... despite it he'd stare once more at the blizzard outside. She can't see his reactions which helps he thinks with this further.)
I'll be at most honest with this. This is nothing I'm use to, something I've always denied myself of to work myself to the bone for my objectives. I tell myself often times I don't need it, I'm not Kaeya in that regard, so I don't need it.
(By the pause it's getting uncomfortable for him to admit and yet...)
... it just reminds me of the fact I've chose to give up so much yet a part of me still screams out against my thoughts and judgment. I mentioned Kaeya knows the greater extent of what was done to my body, yes, but that's because he had to help me.
(And he didn't trust himself with others, he could ignore Kaeya's touch as much as he can ignore his own with patching up his own body. His eyes were closed, but he's forcing himself to not bring her into it fully.)
... though I feel foolish even now for talking about it.